Reclaiming Sacred Intimacy: Sex as a Portal, Not a Problem
When sex becomes a problem, it’s rarely about sex.
It’s about connection, communication, conditioning—and what your soul is trying to say through your body.
In this raw, real, and empowering post, I share my personal journey through sexless marriages, toxic relationships, and the deeper truth behind why sex stops working. (Hint: it’s not about technique.) You’ll learn why sex problems are rarely just about sex, how to reignite intimacy without burning out, and how to reclaim sex as a sacred, soul-stirring portal to your power.
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The Scared Map of Reclamation
💫 From Numb to Magnetic: The Power of Intimacy
🩸 My Struggles with Sex (And the Men Who Burned Cars)
🕸️ Why Sex Problems Aren’t About Sex
🔥 Turning Up the Heat (Without Burning Out)
🌹 Your Invitation to Reclamation
🕯️ From Disconnection to Devotion
📖 Journal Prompt: The Portal Within
You’ve seen the map. Now let’s walk the sacred path together…
From Numb to Magnetic: The Power of Intimacy
When I feel deeply connected to myself and my partner, when my intimacy needs—both emotional and sexual—are met, my entire outlook on life improves.
There's a noticeable shift.
Relaxed. Happy. Resourceful.
Confident. Supported. And supportive.
When sex is working well in a relationship, it acts like the glue that holds everything together. It creates a special bond. A sense of good will that helps us through our challenges. 🎉
And magnetism.
But, when those needs aren’t met?
I find myself trapped in the quicksand of dissatisfaction.
Disappointment. Tension. Frustration. Anger. Resentment. Blame.
My creative fire fizzles out.
I feel numb.
Disconnected from my partner—and myself.
Even if the rest of the relationship is amazing, when sex isn’t working, it can become a wedge.
Spoken or unspoken.
And that really sucks. (And not in a good way. 😉)
If that’s where you’re at, know this: it’s not your fault.
Sex struggles are rarely just about sex.
My Struggles with Sex (And the Men Who Burned Cars)
I’ve struggled—STRUGGLED—with sex my whole life.
Here are some highlights. (Or maybe lowlights?)
At 15, a boy I liked felt me up. I froze.
I didn’t understand what was going on with me.
I had a crush on him for over a year.
We never spoke again.
At 17, a boyfriend dumped me because I wouldn’t have sex with him. Another boyfriend dumped me because I cut my hair short.
At 18, I had sex for the first time—with my friend’s older brother.
He had a girlfriend. I didn’t care.
It felt safer that way.
Then I had a threesome with a musician and my more sexually experienced friend.
He also had a girlfriend.
I didn’t care. Safety again.
Then I started dating someone who abused me emotionally and physically for two years—because I had sex before we got together.
Yeah. He acted like he owned me because he liked me.
Yet, I still married him.
Let’s file that under Wounds Wearing a Wedding Dress.
The happy ending? I left after nine horrific years.
At 29, I had sex with a guy on a first date.
Seven months later, he told me I “wasn’t relationship material” because…drum roll…I had sex with him on our first date. 🙄
Another man set my classic car on fire.
The car I’d spent two years and about $15,000 restoring. 😡 Why? Because he was jealous I’d slept with someone else. Again—ownership because he “liked” me.
What I wanted most?
A healthy sexual relationship.
And I sure as fuck wasn’t living that dream.
What did a healthy sexual relationship even look like?
I had no idea.
Then I married a former fuck buddy. I felt hopeful.
Surely this would be the healthy sexual relationship I’d longed for.
Nope.
After we moved in together, sex waned.
We got engaged. Moved cities. Got married.
And then...a sexless marriage.
I felt like a roommate. A mother.
Unhappy. Pissed off. Bait and switched. Bitter. Resentful.
I even considered having an affair.
Instead, we went to sex therapy as a second year anniversary gift to ourselves.
The therapist’s advice?
“Make out and have sex.”
I felt repulsed.
We separated before our third anniversary.
And honestly? Things got even weirder after that.
I could’ve just said, “I have intimacy wounds. Sex wounds. And all these relationships mirrored that back to me.”
It wasn’t really their fault.
It was something unhealed inside me.
But what fun would that have been?
Why Sex Problems Aren’t About Sex
It took me decades (and a few therapy sessions that made me want to scream into a pillow) to realize this:
Sex isn’t the problem. It’s the messenger.
Sex problems are often about…
🕸️ Fear of intimacy
🕸️ Emotional immaturity
🕸️ Shitty communication
🕸️ Conditioning
And it’s the reason why you’re…
🫤 Feeling drained
🫤 Binging on Netflix at night
🫤 Fighting instead of fucking
🫤 Feeling disconnected
So don’t kill the messenger.
Investigate the underlying issues.
Turning Up the Heat (Without Burning Out)
Intimacy is connection.
The more connected we feel— to ourselves and our partners—the more our wellbeing increases.
But for many reasons, people often put intimacy on the back burner.
Some avoid relationships altogether.
Let’s change that.
Let’s turn the heat back up. 🔥
Here’s how:
💕 Prioritize intimacy - schedule it like you would any important appointment.
💕 Intimacy is a Journey- it requires ongoing care and attention.
💕 Stay Curious - ask questions, try new things, and explore each other often.
💕 Expand Your Intimacy Menu - emotional, spiritual, intellectual, recreational, physical.
💕 Focus on Quality Over Quantity - one deeply connected moment is worth more than ten disconnected ones.
Your Invitation to Reclamation
If you’re reading this with a lump in your throat or a fire in your belly—or both—know this:
You are not alone.
You are not broken.
You are not too much.
And it is not too late.
You don’t need to become someone else.
You just need to become more you.
More honest.
More embodied.
More wild.
More clear.
More connected.
And sex?
Sex can be your teacher.
Your mirror.
Your liberation.
It’s not just about positions or frequency or who initiates first.
It’s about presence.
About power.
About play.
About permission.
And it starts with you. ✨
Here’s an invitation for your reclamation:
🌹 Turn toward your body with reverence, not criticism.
🌹 Turn toward your desire with curiosity, not shame.
🌹 Turn toward your partner (if you have one) with openness, not expectation.
🌹 Turn toward your truth like it’s the hottest lover you’ve ever had.
Because it is.
This isn’t just about sex.
This is about your life force.
And I want you lit the fuck up. 🔥
From Disconnection to Devotion
So if you're feeling disconnected—from yourself, from your partner, from your sensuality—it’s not because you’re broken.
It’s because you’ve been conditioned to disconnect.
To shut down.
To perform.
To endure.
To make it about them.
But what if your sex life wasn’t something to tolerate, fix, or figure out…
What if it was a portal?
A sacred doorway into your aliveness.
Your truth.
Your voice.
Your power.
Your pleasure.
Your essence. 💫
That’s what sex can be.
Not a performance. (Unless you’re role playing… 😉).
Not a to-do list.
Not a shame-soaked rerun of your past.
But a reclamation.
A remembering.
A ritual of sovereignty.
Sex is a vital sign.
When it’s off, something deeper is calling for your attention.
It might be your body saying “I’m tired of being ignored.”
Your heart whispering “I need to feel safe.”
Your soul screaming “LET ME OUT OF THIS CAGE!”
And when you answer that call? When you lean in with curiosity and compassion, rather than blame or avoidance?
That’s when the magic starts. ✨
That’s when sex stops being a problem to solve…
…and becomes a path to walk.
A path of radical intimacy.
Sacred communication.
Fierce love.
Tender truth.
A path back home to yourself.
Your body is your home.
And there’s no place like home.
Journal Prompt: The Portal Within
Think of a time when you felt disconnected from your sensuality or sex life.
What was really going on beneath the surface?
❣️What beliefs, fears, or old stories were shaping how you showed up (or shut down)?
❣️What did your body want to say, if it had a voice?
❣️ What part of you was longing to be seen, held, honored… or unleashed?
Now, imagine sex not as something you do but as something that helps you remember who you truly are.
❣️What would it mean to treat sex as a sacred reclamation of your voice, your power, your truth?
❣️What becomes possible when you bring your full self—emotions, needs, edges, desires—into the bedroom?
Finish with this sentence:
💫 "My sex life is not a performance, it is a portal to..." (and let your soul finish the rest).
Love, Heidi
✨ Ready to go deeper?
What you’ve just read is only the beginning. My work weaves together sacred intimacy, soul alchemy, and rebellious reclamation. If you’re craving a path that’s raw, ritual-rich, and rooted in your truth...👇🏼
And step into the temple of your own becoming. 💫
